When you first start building a conversation or relationship with someone, you break down your conversation into smaller and more manageable chunks. You take the time to get to know one another. Interests, likes, dislikes, hobbies, passions, and more.
Over time, your conversation grows and flows. Your connection does the same. But communication doesn't always go in one direction. Communication can be healthy, but there can also be unhealthy forms of communication as well.
You'll see this within some disagreements, arguments, or heated topics of conversation. You may also notice signs of this in a relationship that is having problems or growing stale.
Communication breakdowns can be more common than you may think. But they don't have to stay broken. This is how to rebuild healthy conversations.
Active Listening
When you think of communicating, you often think of speaking your personal opinions or thoughts. In reality, communication involves the act of speaking but also listening. And listening means more than just nodding your head and waiting for your turn to speak again. Active listening is one of the essential components of healthy communication. This means that you're putting away or tuning out any distractions like a nearby conversation, notifications on your cell phone, or a television playing in the background. Active listening is giving the other person your full and undivided attention. You should be leaning in, fully engaged and present while the other person is talking to you. Don't interrupt them, and make sure you're asking clarifying questions when they're done speaking so you can ensure you're both on the same page.
Use "I" Statements
Being mindful of the words that you're choosing to use when having conversations with your partner can go a long way. When you use "you" statements, it can make your partner feel like you're placing blame on them. This can cause them to immediately want to jump into defense mode, and they'll have a harder time being able to hear you out from what you're actually trying to stay.
You can avoid this awkward conversation by replacing the "you" with an "I" instead. "I" statements help your partner step into your shoes and see things from your perspective. Even if your partner may have done something that you didn't like or appreciate, tell them how you feel rather than making them feel like they're the only one who did something wrong.
Don't Fight to Win
When you're having a hard time communicating with your partner, you may feel like the only way to fix it is by having a clear winner or loser. The truth is that when you're in a relationship, there aren't winners or losers. Healthy relationships mean that there's compromise. One partner shouldn't always feel like they're giving while the other is taking and vice versa. Don't fight to win. Instead, try to work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
Date One Another Again
When you have tough times or conversations with your partner, you may take a look back on your relationship and wonder what went wrong. Instead of looking back at the past, think about your present and future instead. While it may be nice to reminisce, the truth is that you and your partner have both grown individually but also together.
Each of you and your relationship has changed throughout your time together. Instead of fixating on the past, try to plan fun adventures together again to spice things up. Go on a date night. Plan a weekend getaway. Change up that boring, old routine and make it fun and exciting again.
Seek Additional Support
Relationships can be complicated. If you and your partner are having a hard time communicating right now, it doesn't mean that you're no longer right for one another or that your relationship is over. It just may mean that you need a little extra TLC. We're here to help you get your relationship back on track again.
Reach out today to learn more about how individual or couples therapy can help you and your partner rebuild healthy conversations.