Depression. We hear this word a lot, but do we really know what it is? Depression can come in a lot of different forms. Sometimes it looks like it does in movies- sadness, low motivation and boredom. Depression can also exist in a person who is highly functional, successful, and has a lot of friends. How can we tell if a loved one is struggling with depression, and what does support look like?
How do I know if my loved one is struggling?
Depression is a chemical imbalance of the brain involving a lack or disruption of the neurotransmitters dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine aka, the “happy hormones.” This can be influenced by medication side effects, environmental stressors, a triggering event, etc. and can take many different forms.
The common signs and symptoms of depression include:
Flat affect or mood
Persistent irritability, pessimism or cynicism
Low energy or feeling fatigued
Low motivation or loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
Sleep increase or decrease
Appetite and/or weight changes
Thoughts of self harm or suicide
Feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness
Changes in libido
Becoming withdrawn or detached
Some of these symptoms like affect, irritability, sleep changes, etc. are easy to see from the outside looking in, but some of the other symptoms like pessimism, thoughts of self harm or suicide, low motivation, hopelessness and worthlessness are not as easy to see. It is because of the difference of symptoms and form that our loved ones could be experiencing depression without anyone knowing.
Depression can often be exhausting, isolating and scary to experience. Depression can often look different in presentation based on age, race, gender and environmental/societal expectations. It is also possible that your loved one experiences depression often, and isn’t sure if they can change, so asking for help may not be their first thought.
How can I support my loved one?
With limited knowledge of depression, it would be completely normal to think feeling depressed just means feeling sad, or that someone who is depressed is depressed for a reason. Depression oftentimes happens without warning or without clear reason. Since there is frequently not a clear fix, like removing a stressor or changing environment, your loved one does not need someone to rescue or fix them, they need empathy and support.
When someone is experiencing depression, they most likely feel very stuck in the depression, and unable to change on their own- almost like having a different lens they see life through then someone who is not depressed. Because of this, it would be unrealistic and unfair to expect your loved one to just get a job, get out of the house or talk to someone so they’ll feel better. Instead of thinking of solutions, think of comfort and empathy. Think of things that will make your loved one feel seen and safe.
Here are some things that may feel supportive to your loved one who is in a depressed state:
Sending a text or telling them simply “I care about you”
Bringing them a simple snack like crackers, fruit snacks, or cheese
Meeting them where they are- watch their comfort show with them, eat a snack with them, lay in bed and stare at the ceiling with them
Do not expect them to change. Offer empathy, while allowing them to be the way they are (as long as they are safe).
Encourage them to seek help when they need it, and assist them in accessing resources
Care from afar. Your loved one may not want you around, so empathy may be giving them space until they are ready.
Be prepared to intervene if they are no longer safe with themselves. Know the numbers to call, and resources to use if they express suicidal ideations, or begin to do self harming actions.
How do I get help?
There are resources set up for you and your loved one for different points in the process. Treatment for severe depression could start at a psychiatric hospital for stabilization if they are experiencing suicidal ideation or if they are self harming. A residential treatment center would offer supervised time for the client to take medication, learn skills and engage in therapy to assist with the treatment of depression. A Partial Hospitalization Program or Intensive Outpatient Program would offer group and individual therapy, as well as psychiatric care with the ability for your loved one to remain at home. There is also individual outpatient therapy once or twice a week with a therapist to use talk therapy or EMDR to work through a depressive episode or depressive symptoms. Finally, there are in-the-moment resources like the suicide hotline that your loved one can call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. In life-threatening situations, always call 911.
If you would like to access care for you or your loved one experiencing depression, please use the link below to reach out and access therapeutic care.