Connection is a human essential and necessity. It is just as important for a person as food, water, and shelter. People crave forming and maintaining relationships with others.
But as with all things in life, there can be both healthy and unhealthy versions of connection. Having support and someone to talk to can be a great thing for one's overall mental health and wellness, but too much of something can also be a bad thing. It's all about finding that balance.
Unfortunately, one of those relationship imbalances is known as codependency or relationship addiction. This type of dynamic occurs when one partner in the relationship falls into the role of a giver while the other partner acts as the taker.
What are the signs of codependency? Let's find out!
Low Self-Esteem
Individuals who are involved in codependent relationships often have low self-esteem and self-worth. This can cause individuals in this type of relationship dynamic to have a hard time making decisions out of fear of making the wrong one. They will often feel like they can't do anything right. People who have low self-esteem and self-worth can even feel guilty after doing something for themselves like booking an appointment for self-care or spending money on themselves.
Taking Responsibility for Others
People in codependent relationships not only feel responsible for themselves, but they feel responsible for their partner as well. They may even start to develop feelings of anxiety when something is going wrong in their partner's life. Partners who feel responsible for their partner's problems tend to put their partner's feelings above their own. This can cause them to dismiss their own responsibilities to care for their partner.
Little to No Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in all types of relationships. No matter if the relationship is with a romantic partner, family member, coworker, or friend. They're what help to protect one's overall mental health and well-being. Boundaries tend to be nonexistent in codependent relationships. This lack of boundaries means that they will do anything for their partner despite how they may actually be feeling.
Dependence
Dependence is a big part of codependency. Individuals who are codependent tend to have an unhealthy reliance on their partner. While it's okay to lean on your partner from time to time, codependent individuals will put their happiness in the hands of their partner. They won't feel fulfilled unless their partner is happy. This means that they will do anything and everything they can to meet the wants and needs of their partner so that they can feel content as well.
Lack of Trust
Trust is a foundational piece of any relationship. Individuals who fall into unhealthy or codependent relationships tend to have a lack of trust in themselves and others. They have a hard time trusting in their own thoughts, feelings, and decision-making abilities.
How to Break the Cycle
The cycle of codependency can be a difficult one to break. The good news is that while codependency typically requires two individuals to form this unhealthy relationship dynamic, it only requires one person to break that cycle. This person can be you.
Before you're able to change your codependent behaviors, it's important to first acknowledge and then address the root of the codependency. Here are just a few of the lifestyle changes you can make to start the process of breaking the cycle of codependency:
Educate yourself on codependency
Improve your self-esteem
Set boundaries
Give yourself alone time
Live in the present moment
Most of the time, codependency is linked to a past traumatic event. Trauma therapy and working with a licensed and trained mental health professional can help you address that past trauma, better manage the signs and symptoms, and learn how to move forward in healthier relationships.